Tuesday, August 22, 2023

What would you like to be if or when you reincarnate?

Have you ever thought what would you like to be if or when you reincarnate? Sometimes I fantasize about it.

Nysa Library building

For example, I’d like to be a nymph in Nysa and live in a tree trunk. I’d like to soar above the olive trees and breath the fresh mountain breeze every morning. I’d like to play with fellow nymphs, lay on the grass and gaze the blue sky, or rest under the shade of the olive trees in hot summer days. I’d like raise baby Dionysos with other nymphs. I’d like to play hide and seek in the amphitheater, race tirelessly through the bridges and the mountain tops of Nysa. 


Antonines Fountain, Sagalassos


I’d like to be the water in Sagalassos. I’d like to descend to the earth as a snowflake in late fall, melting upon the ground, to join an underground stream only to re-surface once more.  I’d like to be  the morning dew in a summer morning,  reflecting the sun with all my being, to evaporate into the sky and return as rain. I’d like to flow lazily in hot summer days in the ancient river and cascade down in winter, but no matter what, I’d like to end up in Antonines fountain. 

Troya Ancient City


I’d like to be the wind in Troya. Not any kind of wind, the southernly wind that comes only a short period during summer. I’d like to be desperately longed for. When I come, I’d like to sweep through and through. I’d like to fill the sails northbound, tousling the hair of the mermaids, prompting mothers gather their kids close. I’d like to shift the clouds to the north so that when sailors catch the sight of me they hasten to their ships and start rowing towards North. 


Despite these fantasies, I know what I will be… I will to be the one that water can not wet, wind can not dry, fire can not burn. 


I will to be in this timeless time and spaceless space. There will be nothing to call an “I” but lack of a better word. There will be no body, no mind and no memory that I once had a body and a mind.  I will be weightless, not only physically but also mentally. Not only that there will be any thoughts, but also an incredible freedom of not having a mental presence, not even the slightest shadow of it, or even a single memory that a presence once was there. It will be as if none of this ever existed, as if this 14 billion years of existence was only a dream, but not even remembered. Only weightless freedom and presence of the “now”. There will only be an awareness of that freedom and the unfathomable peace that comes with it.


I’ll take the truth over any fantasy!


* This article is inspired by an NDE experience.

Tuesday, August 1, 2023

A 20th Anniversary Tribute- Part 3

2010-2015- A new Era of teaching at Grace Tree Yoga and Growth Studio 

A series of very fortunate events led me to become one of the first teachers at Grace Tree Yoga Studio in West Chester. I remember meeting with Renee Groeneman and Pam Painter, the founders, and the other teachers at Book Bum to get to know each other, discuss the vision and the mission of the school. I immediately felt drawn to the group. I knew Renee from yoga circles, especially because both of us were Kripalu trained teachers. Looking back, I realize how lucky I was and what a great Karma Renee and Pam had to start an institution like Grace Tree. I was honored to be part of it.

I started teaching at a temporary location for Grace Tree while they were renovating the building. I remember the paint smell and the bamboo floors being placed. I began teaching in the fall of 2010 as soon as the studio opened its doors. I taught a gentle yoga class every Thursday night at 7pm.  

For me it was always more than just the asanas, the postures; it was a way to share yogic teachings. I loved creating themes for my classes, like a 10-week-series I called “Path to Enlightenment”. This was “to shed any layers we don’t need anymore, bring out the Light within and be the change we want to see in the World.”   


The series culminated in an all-night event and a birthday celebration for the new age starting on Dec 21,2012 at Cincinnati Yoga School. Needless to say, I continued my connection to CYS and went to classes and events there too. Here I found a schedule of this 10-week series: 

  

Oct 11 Let go of anger  

Oct 18 Let go of worries  

Oct 25 Be grateful  

Nov 1 Claim the power  

Nov 8 Flexibility anytime anywhere  

Nov 15 Perfectly Balanced  

Nov 29 Power of giving: Generosity & service  

Dec 6 Opening doors: Mindfulness  

Dec 13 Calmness and reflections  

Dec 20 Compassionate heart  

Dec 21 Birthday Party  


 

I did different series to explore paths of yoga, and dedicated each class to one path, Bhakti Yoga, Karma Yoga, Jnana yoga, Raja Yoga. Whenever I did a series, I supported classes with readings and meditations as well as related yoga posture, like hearth opening postures for compassion, or grounding postures for dealing with worries.   

I did a series on Yama and Niyamas, again dedicating each class to one of these basic moral principles of yogaI also liked to celebrate different milestones, like celebrating Christmas with a 9 days of 12 Sun salutations, leading to a total of 108 by the 9th day, or a special Easter celebration by chanting Lords’ Payer in original Aramaic, or celebrating Samhain on Halloween. I also remember doing a series  to experience Elements thru yoga; practicing Earth through Asanas, Water through Vinyasa, Fire through Bandhas, Air through Pranayama and Space through Meditation. 

More important than the classes, it was the community of people who came together to share, learn and grow together. I’m eternally grateful for the friendships I developed at Grace Tree that last to this day.  

 

During this time, I religiously attended Pam's Friday morning classes, Roots, and I also enjoyed going to Saturday morning 8am Pranayama class with our dear late teacher friend Suman. When Suman started offering Qi Gong, I was there too.  

 


 

This was also an era I started teaching meditation at P&G. It all started meeting with Andrea Berger, a dedicated practitioner at work in 2008. It was all her energy and dedication. It was an uphill battle at first, we were not allowed to advertise our sessions but HR allowed this to be a word-of-mouth thing, which I was grateful. When I started to work at downtown, I started lunch time meditation classes at the P&G gym. Thanks to Annie Wiesbrod, later on this small seed turned to a mindfulness movement. I also led a Sunday morning 10 am meditation gathering at Grace Tree in these early years. 

Erich Shiffman, Leslie Kaminoff, Stephen Cope were some of the legacies I met and trained at this time. 

 


 

2015-2020 Time to be a student again  

I taught my yoga class the evening I was diagnosed with breast cancer in early 2015. In retrospect, I regret not cancelling the class that night as I wasn’t physically or emotionally well due a difficult biopsy. I wasn’t at the right space but my dedication to teaching overruled. I still think it would have been much better for students if I cancelled the class that night.  

  

It was also an auspicious week that one of my class series was ending during that time and the last class theme was to “Surrender”. I was literally tested with my own teachings, LOL.   

  

I quit teaching when I started traveling that fall and  embarked on a spiritual pilgrimage to India with Ananda (the details of this fantastic trip is covered in another article).   

Even though I was not supposed to exercise for 6 weeks,  I started a chair yoga class at Grace Tree a week after my surgery (don’t do this before you consult with your doctor). I attempted this because I knew what I should and should not do with my body. To this day, I’m grateful to that chair yoga class which immensely helped me to return to my regular practice. Yoga became my anchor in healing. I remember attempting to go to a Thursday night class at 7 pm, my regular teaching time as a student, and crying at the stairs with my yoga mat in my hand. I wasn't ready for it yet. 



Even though I stopped teaching, my ties to Grace Tree persisted. I continued attending classes with my dear yoga teacher friendsI continued getting monthly memberships and attended especially Pam’s Friday morning yoga class until she moved out to Colorado. The group of friends whom I took the classes with, later evolved into Radiant Roots group which we still meet regularly today. When Pam moved, I started taking Britney’s Saturday morning class and Jill’s Sunday morning classes.  

Grace Tree allowed me to teach different workshops. Honestly, they made me feel like it’s home and I can teach whatever I want. I’m eternally grateful for this!!!  I taught workshops on Holistic Living/Holistic Healing with my partner and dear friend Antonia, I taught EFT, Simplicity, Gratitude, Key to Happiness workshops, solo or with Antonia. I also invited other teacher friends to give talks and workshops there  

 


 

During this time a 10-month Tantric Deities workshop with Becky Morissey and various talks and workshops with sweet Lila Lolling stood out for me.  

  

I enjoyed attending Vijnana Bhairava Tantra teachings with my dear friend Sundar, for 3 years. These are meditations and contemplations as Shiva’s answers to Devi in 112 different ways of “realizing the true self”. I also continued Rupert Spira and Mooji’s meditations as well as Upanishad readings with Bora Ercan. Ananda teachers Nirmala and  Dharmadas graced us with their presence here in Midwest with retreats every year. 

When Covid hit in 2020, all classes moved online but I was able to practice weekend classes from the comfort of my home. 

 


2021 on- Self practice and where Advaita meets Tantra  

I’d think I’d go to more yoga classes when I retire or even start teaching again but something completely opposite happened. Not only that I completely lost interest in teaching yoga, I didn't want to go classes anymore either. The idea of a weekly class seemed like a big commitment to me. This may be due to overcommitted 33 years of career and I didn't want to put myself into any kind of commitment anymore. At least I praise myself for doing what feels like the right thing to do and not doing anything out of necessity or ego. Instead, I discovered a daily home practice.  

 

Yes, I need to confess. I didn’t have a regular home practice before. I always admired Defne Suman, a Turkish yoga teacher, when she talked about her regular home practice and wondered if one day I will have one too. For years I had a busy work schedule and a family to care, I had to leave home before 7 am and come back at 5pm, and when I had time for a class, I preferred to take a class to be with the sangha, the community. My personal practice was either meditation or devotional sun salutations. Something very interesting happened that I never guessed: Since early 2022, I love my own daily practice so much so that I don’t want to go to a class anymore. I practice early in the morning, every single morning, including weekends. I burn an incense and select a soft music to go with my practice. I have a balanced asana practice with warm ups, stretches, some power poses, balance poses, inversions and  twists. I cherish the freedom to add poses or modify my practice based on my needs One thing that doesn't change is when I am on the mat, I am present. I only attend my body, different sensations, resistance when that happens, acceptance and surrendering to whatever comes, just like life itself. I try to flow through it; align with it, try not to show resistance and surrender.

I rediscover life every day at my own mat, with my yoga practice.


 

    

In last few years, I discovered Hareesh (Christopher Wallis) and took couple workshops with him on Tantra. I’ve always kept an arm length distance to Tantra until I discovered Hareesh and Shaivism. This is where I think Advaita, which attracted me all along, met with Tantra and a convergence took place that resonated with me.   

A new friend asked me what is my yoga practice and I found myself describing what yoga means to me: My yoga practice has become a practice of non-duality, it’s a practice that leads me to let go of attachments or desires and finding contentment with what I have. It’s about flowing through life. No big expectations, nothing to learn, nothing to achieve but just embracing life. If there is one mantra I meditate on these days; it is:

Chaitanyam aatma  

Consciousness is the Self.